Throughout the last year of this pandemic, even more so in the early stages, people were stuck in their homes and needed to find ways to pass the time. Many turned to an old stand-by: jigsaw puzzles. Puzzles have long been a mainstay at the shore for vacationers as a way to get through rainy days when the beaches and boardwalks were not available – or at least, wouldn’t be very pleasant. Puzzles can be worked on alone or in groups, and while challenging can give a real sense of accomplishment when the end is reached, the last piece snapped into place and the image is complete.
In a recent series on his daily leadership vlog, Darren Hardy drew parallels between various strategies to address the challenges of puzzles as also being effective ways to conquer the difficulties of succeeding at business, and indeed at life. Could these same themes also apply to succeeding at marriage? Can we find scripture to back up this theory?
Process
The border is set, and we have chosen a piece to find a place for or a void to find a piece for - we have chosen one issue to work on until it is resolved, and we have resolved it carefully and thoughtfully, not forcing a piece to fit where it doesn’t belong! We’ve changed our point of view to get a fresh perspective and get around an impasse… so, now what?
Some puzzles are easier than others; a lower piece count, simpler images with bright, clearly defined areas of distinct colors. These can be finished quickly, and then broken down and put back in the box to do again another day. Others, though, have piece counts in the thousands, with gradations of color that can be indistinguishable under insufficient light, especially after staring at them for any length of time. It’s easy sometimes to wonder “why bother?” With puzzles, and in relationships, sometimes it seems easier just to quit. Divorce rates are what they are because many come to difficult spots and conclude it’s easier to quit and start again elsewhere then it is to really dig in and do the work necessary. It is vital in marriage to start with the belief that you will finish… to mean it when you say “until death do us part.” Starting a marriage with the clearly spoken understanding that, come what may, we will work through it and come out stronger, wiser - and together. Our society with all its focus on individuality does not support this. Look out for number one, follow your heart, keep yourself happy - all this messaging through art, media, and advertising runs counter to the idea of serving sacrificially, of giving of yourself, of having obligations instead of rights - all the things we are called to in a Godly union of two souls becoming one flesh. With the world blaring its messages at us, it can be easy to wonder “why bother?” or “is this all worth it” and consider quitting. Don’t.
The rewards of growing together, of staying together, are enormous. When we invest the time and effort of learning about one another, we can love each other better and more completely. The more we know of each other the better we can serve and fulfill their desires. Of course there are the mundane, earthly benefits of financial stability as well. When we hit rough patches we must balance thoughts of what we’re going through against the rewards of working through them. If marriage is an analog to God's love for creation, when Paul write in Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
can we not apply that to our marriages as well?
When we do a jigsaw puzzle, is the final product the point? Sure, we can glue it together when we’re done, put it in a frame and hang it on the wall, but if that were the only goal, could we not have just purchased a poster, a photographic print, or a painting? The point of doing a puzzle is the process of working on the puzzle!
We must also consider the ‘point’ of marriage; is it our happiness? Or is it more? As with the puzzle, the point is the process! Living in close quarters with someone calls us to develop all the fruits of the spirit! As we share our whole life with another flawed and finite human being, for the relationship to work each partner must be patient, gracious, forgiving, loving and kind, gentle, generous and self-controlled (See Galatians 5:22). Of course it won’t be easy; Paul says further in Romans 8:23
but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.
We groan, inwardly as we wait. But it will be worth it! Marriage is a crucible in which we are refined. The process may not always be pleasant; think of gold reduced to liquid over a flame. But it is then that our impurities are burned away, leaving only that which is pure and precious.
So let us, as Paul writes in Hebrews 12:1 “run with perseverance the race that is set before us,” because we can be confident in God’s plan. Phillipians 1:6 states
that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
God bless you all and your marriages as you find joy in the process of doing marriage.
