Puzzles I - Borders

Throughout the last year of this pandemic, even more so in the early stages, people were stuck in their homes and needed to find ways to pass the time. Many turned to an old stand-by: jigsaw puzzles. Puzzles have long been a mainstay at the shore for vacationers as a way to get through rainy days when the beaches and boardwalks were not available – or at least, wouldn’t be very pleasant. Puzzles can be worked on alone or in groups, and while challenging can give a real sense of accomplishment when the end is reached, the last piece snapped into place and the image is complete.

In a recent series on his daily leadership vlog, Darren Hardy drew parallels between various strategies to address the challenges of puzzles as also being effective ways to conquer the difficulties of succeeding at business, and indeed at life. Could these same themes also apply to succeeding at marriage? Can we find scripture to back up this theory?

Borders

Everyone knows that when doing a jigsaw puzzle. The best thing to do first is to find all the pieces that have straight edges and construct the border. As a metaphor this can mean that to efficiently solve a given problem, you have to define what the problem is. It clarifies parameters, defines expectations and provides context for all the work that needs to get done. In marriage, what would this look like?

At the very beginning, even before the wedding day multiple discussions should be had! It’s been said all people have a set of “rules” that they expect people in their life to live by – but these rules are rarely communicated, and sometimes the person themself isn’t even aware they have them! These rules are developed over a lifetime, in response to family scenarios and life experiences, and once a person reaches adulthood, the rules, unwritten, unspoken and sometimes even beneath recognition are set in proverbial stone. People enter into marriage expecting their spouse to act a certain way. Expectations exist for things as mundane as who will take out the trash and who will do the dishes, or who will cook and clean the house. Broader topics like how children will be raised, and taught and disciplined and who will deal with the bills and finances, how money will be spent and even who will make it also can have “rules” attached to them. Intimacy itself, the heart of a marriage union is certainly not exempt! How and when affection is shown, who initiates sex, how and how often all are things that matter to each and every person – and should be communicated, understood and at least considered if not fully agree upon, at the very beginning. Going into marriage we should welcome these discussions, to learn about our spouse and thus better know how to love them! Proverbs 12:1 says

Those who love discipline love knowledge, but fools hate any kind of correction.

Talk early, and talk often! God is unchanging but everything and everyone else changes over time. Conversations with your spouse about issues big and small will help to always make sure the border is set, and you both know the goals you are working towards as you assemble the pieces of your life together.