Courage II: Pursue

John Maxwell’s exposition of courage as it relates to 2 Timothy 2 and 3, mentions five points within a mission or purpose that leaders can derive courage from, allowing them to take a stand and do the right things even when the going gets tough or uncomfortable. The first point was “there are things to prevent.” The second point is “There are things to pursue.”

In the context of marriage the first application is obvious: we need to continually pursue our spouse! It is too easy once married to take each other for granted, to assume that we no longer need to put forth effort to “win” the heart of our beloved. After all, they are already right there! They took the same vows we did, made the same promises. We made those vows to love, honor and cherish, and as married life rushes by, schedules get hectic, work gets in the way, we can get complacent and stop loving, honoring, and cherishing. We stop doing the things we did while dating that made the other person fall in love with us. We stop asking about their feelings, plans, fears, hopes and dreams. We stop checking in daily to see how they’re doing. We stop trying to do little things to serve them. We stop going out of our way to find things to do for no other reason than to make them smile. It is critical in marriage to continue to do these things! It lets our spouse know we are still engaged, that we still care, that we still love - and that we desire for our union to thrive. When we stop seeking to win our spouses love, we risk losing it. In a recent interview, the actor Mark Wahlberg gave his secret for career success. He said “The only way to be the best is to work like you have nothing.” Think about how that mindset could radically transform your marriage.

We should also pursue growth. We should always be striving to grow our marriage and deepen our intimacy, strengthen our bond. A relationship that isn’t getting better is getting worse… there is no standing still. We must pursue what is best, even when things are going wrong. We need to resist the urge to jump to conclusions, to think we know our spouse’s heart and mind. It is vital that we try and communicate, to express our feelings and understand where they are coming from. We must pursue reconciliation when we are at odds, offering grace and forgiveness even as we are in need of it. If we set our minds to see the best in our partner, it becomes easier to give them the benefit of the doubt. Meditate on these words from the apostle Paul in Phillipians 4:8:

Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Dwelling on problems, on distance, on lack, on slights real or perceived is asking for trouble and inviting Satan in to steer your life whichever way he chooses - which is never for your good. Anyone going down that path is pursuing heartache, pain and strife.

Lastly, the most important thing to pursue is God’s purpose for ourselves, for our spouses and for our marriages. Consider (often) what God has put you here to do. Consider what purpose you and your spouse can only fulfill if you are working harmoniously together. Ask yourselves, Is there someone in your life to minister to? Is there an opportunity for you to serve together that would be more effective than either of you on your own? Are your lives running parallel, or at odds? Are your paths moving you closer to God and to each other, or farther and farther away?

Just as He designed you to do a specific work, he put you and your spouse together for a purpose. We must seek that purpose that we might fulfill it. It is our nature to pursue things that we want, or that we need. God knows what these are, and wants us to have them, not for self fulfillment though, but so that we will be effective at the jobs he created us for. This is why Jesus says in Matthew 6:33

Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and these other things will be given you as well

Pursue the things that are on God’s heart, for he knows us better than we do ourselves. Have faith that the things he wants of us are the very things that will help us and our marriages prosper.