Throughout the last year of this pandemic, even more so in the early stages, people were stuck in their homes and needed to find ways to pass the time. Many turned to an old stand-by: jigsaw puzzles. Puzzles have long been a mainstay at the shore for vacationers as a way to get through rainy days when the beaches and boardwalks were not available – or at least, wouldn’t be very pleasant. Puzzles can be worked on alone or in groups, and while challenging can give a real sense of accomplishment when the end is reached, the last piece snapped into place and the image is complete.
In a recent series on his daily leadership vlog, Darren Hardy drew parallels between various strategies to address the challenges of puzzles as also being effective ways to conquer the difficulties of succeeding at business, and indeed at life. Could these same themes also apply to succeeding at marriage? Can we find scripture to back up this theory?
Fit
The border is set, and we have chosen a piece to find a place for or a void to find a piece for - we have chosen one issue to work on until it is resolved. It is vitally important that we find the right piece! Humans are infinitely complex, and each is unique. In a marriage two of these complex, unique (and flawed) people have come together as one. An issue between them, a problem in the marriage now has exponentially more possible solutions - and many of those have the potential to make things worse.
With jigsaw puzzles sometimes we look at a piece, we look at the incomplete puzzle and we just know where that piece goes… until we try to put it in the spot, and none of the tabs and slots align; too big, too small, the wrong shape, the wrong number of tabs and slots. But the colors look right! We squint our eyes and it looks like it fits! We turn it around over and over again to no avail. Sometimes the shapes are close… close enough we convince ourselves they are right. And we push a little harder, we force it in. If we are able to successfully convince ourselves, then we create more problems. Not only is this piece not right, we have removed a correct solution for elsewhere on the puzzle, and the piece that is supposed to go here is somewhere, no with no place to go.
In life, in marriage, as in puzzles, we can not force a ‘fit.’ With all the sources we can go to for answers, it can be dizzying and overwhelming to try and solve anything. Friends offer their advice, magazines scream self help headlines on their covers, countless books, TV shows, blogs and podcasts offer their (usually) well-meaning services. Information from any of those things, taken verbatim and at face value can cause harm if we try to simply implement them without first checking the “shape” and “color” and very carefully determining if it fits the situation at hand.
The only way we can know that is if we are truly open and honest with each other. We must talk through any solution with our spouse since the answer must ‘fit’ the unique combination of two people, two souls that have joined together as one.
And of course, since God created each of us, he alone knows all our complexities (even the ones we aren’t conscious of, or won’t admit) down to the number of hairs on our head (Matthew 10:30) He also knows how husband and wife fit together, how their souls entwine and what is best for them. How do we tap into that knowledge? How do we test each piece in the puzzle we are creating together? We pray. As we deal with the issues that face us, we talk to each other - and to God. In all facets of our lives we ask for his guidance, his wisdom. Even Paul admonishes in 1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive one another except by mutual consent and for a time TO DEVOTE YOURSELVES TO PRAYER (emphasis mine)
Seek Him. Focus on Him. Find the ‘piece that fits,’ and do not force a solution to a problem that does not fit the unique puzzle that you and your spouse are creating together.
