A leadership guru (Darren Hardy) recently posted a video on six behaviors that lead to longevity; not metaphorical, or abstract, but things that actually lead to living longer. I think that many of these behaviors can be adapted or looked at in such a way as to lead to longer (and happier) marriages as well.
The third is rest.
Stress is often thought of as a bad thing, but in fact, it is essential to our existence. We have evolved to be able to react to things in our environment that could do us harm, react in ways that will allow us to respond such that we, as individuals and as a species will survive. Our cave dwelling distant ancestors had to deal with fearsome predators, as well as inconsistent food supplies, extreme weather and climatic conditions, and competition with other species for limited resources. Their bodies developed reactionary behavioral tools to deal with these problems, coping mechanisms we now call “fight or flight” responses, tools that we have inherited. All of these can be recognized as stress. Rises in adrenaline ready us for combat or a hasty retreat from a dangerous situation. Increased breathing rate and dilated bronchi increase the oxygen in our blood. Heart rate increases and blood vessels serving the digestive system constrict while those feeding the muscles open wide, feeding all that extra oxygen to our muscles. Our mouth gets dry, palms get sweaty and thoughts race.
We have been (fearfully and wonderfully) made this way - it is a natural cycle. The effects listed above help us to deal with the stressors in our lives. Like all cycles, it is supposed to have a beginning, a middle and an end. After the situation is dealt with, we are supposed to then “come down.” Many of us suffer though, by living in that middle zone for extended periods of time. Society careens forward at a breakneck pace, and this fallen world throws stressors at us with reckless abandon. For our bodies - and our lives - to function as God designed, we need to make time and find ways for the cycle to reach its conclusion before we allow it to ramp up again. We must learn how to rest and recover in between periods of stress; the consequences if we don’t can be severe.
Americans lead the world in depression. We are always in ‘go’ mode, and this can lead to burnout which results in reduced productivity (the very opposite of the thing we are usually striving for!) as well as reduced creativity and relationship problems. Our physical health can also be affected with heart disease, strokes, stomach ulcers and other ailments.
Elijah, I’m sure knew what burnout felt like. After the amazing display on Mount Carmel, and the slaughtering of the priests of Baal and Asherah, (1 Kings 18) Ahab and Jezebel were hunting him down to kill him. In full “flight” mode for an extended period, he had finally had enough and sat down under a broom tree - to pray for death! He slept, and then an angel came and provided him with food and water. And then he slept again, and was provided food and drink again. 1 Kings 19:8 then says
Strengthened by that, he traveled on forty days and nights…
We too need to get adequate rest and sustenance if we are going to successfully get up and take on the world day after day. We need to relax, unwind and recharge. Jesus knew this too. Even he, the Christ, God in human form was limited by the flesh he took on. In Mark 1:32-34 Jesus heals many who were brought him, curing diseases and casting out many demons. In Mark 1:35 it says
Early in the morning, while it was dark, Jesus left the house and went to a solitary place, where he prayed.
Along with rest, food and drink, we also need God. His spirit recharges our souls, even as food and rest recharge our bodies, and fuels us for the work he prepares for us to do. Jesus talked about giving us living water that we might not be thirsty, (John 4:10-14) and being the bread of life. (John 6:51)
As with all things, how we do rest and recovery can also - should also - be something we can do with our spouses to strengthen our marriages. Everyone needs their own time, of course, but down time together is also essential. Set aside time to be together without structure, time to talk about things other than work, the house, the kids. Share food and drink, share hopes and dreams, fears and concerns. As the bonds of your relationship are strengthened, know that you are better prepared for everything the world is preparing for you. Remember Ecclesiastes 4:9
Two are better than one, for they have a good return on their labor
And of course, pray together! As you ask for wisdom and strength and clarity and seek God’s will for your union, be assured your readiness is even greater; Ecclesiastes 4:12 continues
If one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
Let that ‘third strand,’ God, lead you into rest and recovery. Let him restore you, mind body and spirit, as his angel did Elijah.
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