A leadership guru (Darren Hardy) recently posted a video on six behaviors that lead to longevity; not metaphorical, or abstract, but things that actually lead to living longer. I think that many of these behaviors can be adapted or looked at in such a way as to lead to longer (and happier) marriages as well.
The second is purpose! In the movie Matrix: Reloaded the antagonist, Agent Smith (after he has gone rogue and started multiplying himself) says to Neo, the hero, "There's no escaping reason, no denying purpose, for as we both know, without purpose we would not exist. It is purpose that created us, purpose that connects us, purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us; it is purpose that defines, purpose that binds us.”
Is that not true for each of us as well? In the absence of any outside influence, purpose can give us a reason to continue living! How many stories are out there of people who retire, and then with no reason to get up each day, they die shortly after? Without some purpose we’d just meander from activity to activity, not accomplishing anything of note. Each time you choose to undertake any task, any project, any activity, you do it with some purpose in mind. If not, then you are just reacting to what the world throws at you, and drifting aimlessly through your life. The key to leading a life that is truly fulfilling though is to not rely on your own purposes, for they will rarely get you to where you need to go. In Proverbs 19:21 it says:
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
To accomplish the work we were put on earth to do, we must align ourselves with God’s purpose for us, for only then can we be truly successful. When we align ourselves with God’s will for us, we do our appointed job to further the coming of his kingdom, but this is for our benefit as well. The well known and oft-quoted Romans 8:28 is sometimes abbreviated as “God works all things for good!” and used to comfort those going through hard times, but this misses a critical part. The whole verse reads:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
God’s purpose is the important part. Have you accepted his will for you, that you are here on purpose, specifically, to accomplish something for the coming kingdom of God? Whether or not you do, God’s purpose will be fulfilled. If you turn your back on Him, God will find another path to his ultimate goals. Job understood this in the midst of his own trials when he said
I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. (Job 4:22)
When we get married we join our whole lives with another person; we become “one flesh” with them. As part and parcel of that deal we share in each other’s purpose as well. Their purpose becomes ours and vice versa, and indeed there is a purpose for your union as well as for each spouse. Pray often to understand this, to align your lives with God’s will for you, your spouse and your marriage. Work to actively pursue and accomplish these goals - for they are as much a part of the kingdom coming as your individual ones, and can be critical for your vitality and energy. Paul knew this. In Galatians 4:18 he says:
It is fine to be zealous, provided the purpose is good.
What better purpose is there than God’s, the reason he made you and put you here? The reason you and your spouse fell in love and chose to join with one another?
As for God, his way is perfect. (Psalm 18:30)
