A leadership guru recently posted a video on six behaviors that lead to longevity; not metaphorical, or abstract, but things that actually lead to living longer. I think that many of these behaviors can be adapted or looked at in such a way as to lead to longer (and happier) marriages as well.
The first is movement! A doctor recently published an article that stated emphatically that “sitting is the new smoking.” Sedentary lifestyles, long work days in an office chair in front of a computer screen followed by evenings in front of a TV or scrolling through social feeds on our phones are making us less healthy overall and in some cases are literally killing us. I don’t need to go into detail about this - we all know the risks and consequences, but how can this apply to marriage?
First, just as it says; health problems can absolutely lead to relationship struggles. Some health issues are of course unavoidable, but many are completely avoidable! Diet and exercise can go a long way towards limiting and reducing a multitude of potential problems. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
A church sexton once told me that he believed how the building and surrounding property looked on the outside spoke to the spiritual health of the congregation. If your body is a temple, are you performing the maintenance required to keep it clean, sturdy and functioning optimally? I am not saying we all need to be athletes and supermodels… Just that we need to invest some time and energy in our health and fitness. You and your spouse could find ways to exercise as a couple; hikes and bike rides, walking the boardwalks and beaches, whatever you both enjoy... do it together! Get some quality time as well as the fitness benefits.
Metaphorically, how does movement apply to being married? Relationships can be sedentary too! Especially over time, spouses can take each other for granted, assume they know all there is to know, think they understand how their partner will act and react, and how to love them accordingly. Behaviors that don’t change though, become ruts and things become stagnant. To avoid stagnation, there are things we can do. Always strive to learn new things about each other. Have scheduled times to check in, to talk about matters great and small. Ask questions like: How are things at work? What are you worried about? Excited for? Scared of? Am I helping enough around the house? With the kids? How can I love you better? Ask questions, and then LISTEN; not to respond but to understand. Then act on what you learn.
Just like how we treat each other can fall into a rut, so too can our activities become dull if they are always the same. Make a point to do new things and experience them together. Shared memories strengthen bonds and can cause the brain to act as it did when the relationship was new. Pastor Tommy Nelson, in his Song of Solomon study said “Relationships are always either improving or regressing. If yours is stagnant, it's actually going backwards.” Be cognizant of the state of your union, and work hard to keep it “moving” in a positive direction!
