Quarantine II: Structure

We are all creatures of habit; the world we inhabit practically demands it. It is so busy, so fast-paced that we must have routines that we follow to get anywhere, get anything done. Without routines, without structure to our day we’d have to think about what to do each moment, and the time spent on those decisions would cause lags in productivity. Einstein famously had seven identical suits so that the decision of what to wear each day was never something he had to spend time or mental energy on, saving those precious commodities for wrestling with the big ideas of physics and relativity.

With the COVID-19 pandemic raging around the world, most if not all of the structures that we had in place were taken away, quite suddenly, leaving many of us flailing. Without the structures and routines we are paralyzed. Fear of the unknown, stress about making ends meet and anxiety about the future feed on us when we suddenly have so much time to think with our normal busyness gone. It is imperative that we create new structures, and even look at the present scenario as a gift - the old pace we tried to live at, was it sustainable? How many of us were always tired, cranky, stressed, feeling we never had enough time to both live life and enjoy it, get important stuff done AND spend some time the way we wanted to, pursuing hobbies or interests that brought us joy?

For married couples this process is doubly important. Two people, now living in closer quarters than usual, both have needs for space, work time, alone time, self care and comfort. Any structures to be built during this time need to accommodate the needs of both spouses (AND any children living in the house too). Before, the structures were largely imposed from the outside - school, activities, work. With everything shut down, we are the source for anything that is to come. Many people struggled with saying “no” to outside bids for their time, energy and resources. The world has now said ‘no’ to everything for us. Not only can we now rebuild our routines for ourselves and our families, we need to also make the most of this chance to critically examine what we will say ‘yes’ to in the future. If we build wisely now, creating routines that allow us time with our spouses and family, hopefully we will carefully consider things that will take that time away from us in the future. Whether things fully open up later this fall, or next year or two years from now, we should aim to have our own marital and familial foundations strengthened and bolstered so as to better withstand the forces of life in this age, this fallen world that will again come against us. Jesus says in Luke 6:47-48

I will show you what someone is like who comes to me, hears my words, and acts on them. That one is like a man building a house, who dug deeply and laid the foundation on rock; when a flood arose, the river burst against that house but could not shake it, because it had been well built.

We have a chance, right now, to consider our foundations and rebuild them not on shifting sand but on rock. Take that chance. Discuss with your husband or wife  what you want your life to look like next month, next year, when things normalize or even if they don’t. Set forth boundaries and guidelines, create new routines that honor God and strengthen your union, that help you build each other up and foster openness, laughter and that allow your love to grow deeper.