Incoming new members to our congregation pledge to support our church through their prayers, their presence, their gifts, and their service. What if we made that our mantra for our marriages as well? What would it mean to how we do marriage to pledge to support it in these four areas? More personally what could it mean if we vowed to bless our spouse in these ways?
Service
One of the great myths our society holds about marriage is that it is supposed to make us happy. People, when looking for someone to marry hope to find someone that “completes them” or is “compatible” is a whole array of areas, someone that makes them laugh, someone that will love them. The problem with this is that it is ultimately selfish. 1 Corinthians 13:5 tells us that “love does not seek its own way.” We should not enter into marriage thinking solely of our own benefit. At very least, we should be aware that is not the goal. Jesus did not gather the church to himself so that it could wait on him, or fulfill his needs. Consider Matthew 5:20-28:
Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
or Mark 9:33-34
He began to question them, “What were you discussing on the way?” But they kept silent, for on the way they had discussed with one another which of them was the greatest. Sitting down, He called the twelve and *said to them, “If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”
Holiness is what marriage offers us. Being married to another (imperfect and finite) human being gives ample opportunity for us to emulate Christ. For the marriage to thrive we must day after day strive to show grace and forgiveness, to be humble, and to SERVE. This is the model Jesus set for us all, and for married people specifically since marriage is an analogy of God’s love for His creation. (In Ephesians 5:32, Paul writes: “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”) Throughout history people have pointed out that it is through service that we find happiness and purpose anyway! Saint Francis of Assisi said “For it is in giving that we receive” and Leo Tolstoy is quoted as saying “The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity” We are told from when we are little that “it is better to give than receive,” and a Chinese proverb state “If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.”
With Saint Valentine’s day approaching, forget the clichés. Don’t bother with chocolate or flowers, and avoid overcrowded restaurants price-gouging patrons with their “special” menus. Truly seek to serve your spouse by making their life easier. Find ways to serve them that only you could know, since by living with them you know them better than anyone. Throughout this month, and this year, tie the towel around your waist and wash their feet. (Metaphorically… or literally!) Equate love with service and service with love, and seek a year of blessing your husband or wife in ways you’ve never thought of, regardless of how long you’ve been together.
