New members to our congregation pledge to support our church through their prayers, their presence, their gifts, and their service. What if we made that our mantra for our marriages as well? What would it mean to how we do marriage to pledge to support it in these four areas? More personally what could it mean if we vowed to bless our spouse in these ways?
The Bible is full of accounts of gifts: Abraham sending his servant with ten camels loaded with gold and silver to find a wife for Isaac, Joseph’s brothers going with gifts to Joseph when he was in power in Egypt, Nebuchadnezzar promising gifts to any of his astrologers that could interpret his dreams, and even the Magi bringing gold, frankincense and myrrh to the Christ child. Gifts, on the surface, seem easy to understand in the context of a relationship, especially at the end of the year when we are bombarded with commercials showing people giving their significant others luxury cars or gaudy diamond jewelry. We are right around the corner from another holiday where the greeting card and shiny rock industries, among others, want us to believe that lavishing our spouses with ostentatious purchases is the only acceptable way to show them that we love them. Our whole society seems to have bought into this idea that large or expensive material things, at regular, predictable calendar intervals is what love is all about. Much like love itself though, gifts become much less meaningful if mandatory, or expected.
Fernand Point said ““Success is the sum of a lot of small things done correctly.” I believe that small gifts, gifts that cost little or nothing but show you have an intimate knowledge of your partner and a desire to bless them mean much more that roses and chocolate on Valentine’s Day. Things like encouraging notes hidden for them to find when you know they are going to have a challenging day, or a small treat or item that recalls a favorite vacation you took or date you went on can have a much bigger impact and be a louder trumpet of your love and affection. A great gift could just be something practical that you know will make their day easier. Replace something that they love that you know is wearing out. Gifts that show you are paying attention to your husband or wife’s wants and needs are always better, regardless of the price tag.
It bears repeating that to be successful in love you must be a lifelong student of your spouse. You must always seek greater understanding of their heart. Knowing them in this way will make it easier to give gifts that will bless them and impact them deeply in positive ways.David wrote in Psalm 139:23
“Search me, God, and know my heart”
At some level we are all searching for that. Not that we can ever know someone like God does, but we can strive to know the one we chose to spend the rest of our lives with as deeply as we are able. That is one reason why God designed marriage to be for life: in our finite abilities it takes a lifetime to truly know someone. As each year passes then, you should know your spouse better, should have a better grasp of how it is they want and need to be loved. Express your love by giving from that understanding.
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