John Maxwell’s exposition of courage as it relates to 2 Timothy 2 and 3, mentions five points within a mission or purpose that leaders can derive courage from, allowing them to take a stand and do the right things even when the going gets tough or uncomfortable. We’ve looked at “things to prevent,” “things to pursue,” and “things to portray.” Next on the list is “There are things to perceive.”
It has been said that the purpose of marriage is not to make us happy, but to make us holy. Our selfish, me-first culture recoils at this suggestion, but that makes it no less true. Marriage is a crucible in which we place ourselves to be refined, like gold or silver over a fire. As the metal turns molten, all the imperfections are burned away, so that when it cools only the pure metal remains. The process is sometimes uncomfortable, but it is necessary if we desire the gleaming, final product. By living day in and day out with another person, (even - or especially - one we love) we are put to the test. After the initial lovefest there is bound to be some disillusionment or disappointment, and it is in how we learn to respond to these times that our character should change for the better. All of us are flawed, after all, and bound to make mistakes, to hurt the ones we love. How do we react to our spouse when this happens? What do we learn? If we look closely, we can perceive the will of God for our lives, and grow accordingly.
A sign on a local business currently reads “Smooth sailing never made a skillful sailor.” Through the challenges of living with another person, we are to find ways to emulate Jesus in our relationships. As Morgan Freeman portraying God in the movie “Evan Almighty” said “If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous?” This is one reason that God’s plan for marriage is forever. When two people have to live with each other, and not just coexist but live happily, when they are supposed to help each other to grow and thrive for life, then they have to learn to treat each other with grace. Mercy and the ability to forgive are essential, since your partner will screw up. Humility is a must for the same reason; we will have to ask that forgiveness when we are in the wrong. There will be times when we have to put aside our own wants and desires for the good of our spouse and the union. We must tolerate our spouse’s shortcomings if we expect the same forbearance from them for our own. Me must strive to be able to communicate with each other and understand one another. We must seek to serve even as we put aside our need to be served.
To do marriage successfully, we must learn to be more like Jesus.
Proverbs 12:6 says:
the words of the Lord are flawless, like silver purified in a crucible, like gold refined seven times.
In an interview, a silversmith was asked how he knew how long to leave the silver in the fire. “I know it’s done,” he said “when I can see my face reflected in it.” If God were to look at how you and your husband or wife treat each other, how you live together, how you love each other, would he see his Word reflected? If God held up your marriage, would he be able to see his face? God’s love for us is unconditional and absolute, and he asks that we love each other the same. It is not easy - indeed, it is impossible in our own strength. In marriage though we are constantly reminded of that need, and given an environment to develop our ability to lean on him and love as we should.
