Instead of offense versus defense, one can look at the deficiency / abundance mindset difference as the need to ‘maintain’ in contrast to the desire to ‘create.’ Fearful of loss, a deficiency mindset is unwilling to take a risk that could result in losing what he or she has, no matter what the upside might be. Even if the potential gain is spectacular, the risk seems too great, not worth taking the chance. In a relationship this leads to stagnation instead of what God intends - growth. Rev. Tommy Nelson, in his Song of Solomon study states that there is no static relationship; they are either growing and improving, or they are degrading. What may seem motionless is really backsliding, The deficiency mindset is not of God. The devil wants us to think that no risk is worth taking so that our relationships degrade over time. Brokenness is the buffet that sin feeds at.
Romans 12:6 says
We all have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.
The enemy wants us to hoard those gifts, keep them locked up. He wants us to think that our gifts our only ours. A spirit of lack does not inspire us to share what we have been given. God gives gifts so that we can bless others. Someone with an abundance mindset is free to release those gifts, give them freely. Someone who feels blessed is able to be a blessing to those in their life. A deficiency mindset results in a closed heart and a narrow vision of what is possible. A spirit of abundance opens a heart up wide, and allows one to see many possibilities for both one’s self and for others.
The starkest difference in the two mindsets is this:
Someone afflicted with a sense of lacking, sees all conflicts in terms of winning and losing, with loss being something to avoid at all costs. Their creativity is stifled by this dichotomy. In a relationship, especially a marriage, this is particularly damaging. When you strive to win and believe that to do so the other must lose, it causes an adversarial atmosphere. In marriage if only one person wins, then both partners lose. Someone who believes in the goodness of God’s gifts, who is assured of His provision in their lives and is not averse to taking a risk so that things can get even better will always seek a “win - win” scenario. They strive for things to improve on both sides of the equation. They are willing to give knowing the other will get, and they themselves will be blessed by the process. When our spouse wins, the marriage gets better, and we win too!
This month, examine your mindset. Do you believe that God blesses your marriage abundantly? Are you seeking to share your gifts for mutual benefit? Amidst the struggles we all go through, are you worried about losing what you have, or are you striving to strengthen and improve your union? Sit down with your spouse and open up to each other about your hopes, your dreams and also your worries and fears. Remind each other that you are a team, that God has joined you for a purpose. Recommit to work together as one to make your marriage what God has intended.
